The last part of this marriage series.
It is obvious that you need to have it in order to walk down the ailse, but how many people don't. They look at that wedding gown in the closet and think....I don't. I heard too many women who say I did it because......you have to fill in the blank. It was comfortable, it was safe, it was provisions, it was the kids, it was I wanted a wedding. I always said that was a great business, to have a mock wedding chapel just get it out of some of these girls system. It was never about what was suppose to be about in the first place.
Love is patient,is kind, not envious, slow to anger, is not easily provoked, thinks of no evil, knows the truth, bears all, believes and hopes all, endures all.
It is not perfection. Only the Creator is perfect. Love is a journey that you can take with the other person, for better or for worse, and if you are bless, until you leave this Earth.
Love is the oxygen of the marriage and without it just slowly dies.
How do you love? Love that person's spirit which is the essence of a person. No matter what the scales say, when the wrinkles come, when a person has a dollar or a million dollars....life changes. It will not always be a fairy tale, but it can a beautiful love story.
Love that person's spirit. It will take you so much further.
Have faith, but you need love.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Dating
I once told a friend that some of the best marriages I know, they date. They go out or plan something inside, but they spend time together. I know it is hard especially when the kids are small or when your lives are busy. It is fuel of the marriage. It is those moments when it gets hard when you think...okay it is not so bad, so I will stay.
So times are bad in the pocket for many. A date does not have to cost a million dollars. It can be a walk in the park at midnight(it totally romantic especially here in the south), an inside picnic, or learning something together. You just have to be creative.
Let's put a step further,put in writing. Anything that is important is usually in writing, so your dating plan should be in writing. Possible places, be fair to both parties, and when(once a week, once a month).
For you parents, think about babysitting. If money is a problem, barter for other things. Wait until kids take they butt to bed for that in house date.
You say you are tired but you spent a lot on a wedding, so spend the time on the marriage. It is worth it in the end.
So times are bad in the pocket for many. A date does not have to cost a million dollars. It can be a walk in the park at midnight(it totally romantic especially here in the south), an inside picnic, or learning something together. You just have to be creative.
Let's put a step further,put in writing. Anything that is important is usually in writing, so your dating plan should be in writing. Possible places, be fair to both parties, and when(once a week, once a month).
For you parents, think about babysitting. If money is a problem, barter for other things. Wait until kids take they butt to bed for that in house date.
You say you are tired but you spent a lot on a wedding, so spend the time on the marriage. It is worth it in the end.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The List
When I talk about dating(yeah, I'm a hypocrite, smile), I talk about the list exchange. The list exchange is five things that you want out of the relationship.
No discussion, you just exchange and do it.
It should be updated once a year because life and your needs change.
Don't exchange lists during holidays or your birthday. Let's not throw a high heel shoe over the turkey.
No discussion, you just exchange and do it.
It should be updated once a year because life and your needs change.
Don't exchange lists during holidays or your birthday. Let's not throw a high heel shoe over the turkey.
The Household
On the journey to getting married, people love, lust, and say let's do it. You need some reality with the fantasy.
So put down the wedding swatches and listen up. These are the questions you need to ask before you say I do. Who pays the bills? How are the bank accounts organized? How many kids? If we already have kids, what are the rules of discline? Who is going to clean up? When are we going to clean up? How many times do you need to have sex? What are your short term and long term goals? What is your spritual philosphy? Where are going to spend the holiday?
These are just some of the questions you ask. It is important. I answered a lot of questions since I was a teenager to adults when they used to call me.
Marriage is a beautiful thing but if you don't have a game plan it will not work. It is like everything in life. Faith without works is dead. You have to work it out before you go down ailse.
Have faith but you need reality.
Love, Peace, and Soul
Benita
So put down the wedding swatches and listen up. These are the questions you need to ask before you say I do. Who pays the bills? How are the bank accounts organized? How many kids? If we already have kids, what are the rules of discline? Who is going to clean up? When are we going to clean up? How many times do you need to have sex? What are your short term and long term goals? What is your spritual philosphy? Where are going to spend the holiday?
These are just some of the questions you ask. It is important. I answered a lot of questions since I was a teenager to adults when they used to call me.
Marriage is a beautiful thing but if you don't have a game plan it will not work. It is like everything in life. Faith without works is dead. You have to work it out before you go down ailse.
Have faith but you need reality.
Love, Peace, and Soul
Benita
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Faith
Faith is substance of things hope for and evidence of not seen.
It is essential to have for a marriage. The evidence is how you treat each other.
Life is so busy with our to do list? Over time, you just take advantage of one another as if they always be there, so you don't have to put in the time or the effort. Are you taking care of that person's sprit? Are you feeding your spouse in this case your future spouse's soul with encouragement? Are you putting in the time?
If not, maybe you need more faith. From book, tape, or maybe counseling, put in deposit of faith in order to get stronger.
It is essential to have for a marriage. The evidence is how you treat each other.
Life is so busy with our to do list? Over time, you just take advantage of one another as if they always be there, so you don't have to put in the time or the effort. Are you taking care of that person's sprit? Are you feeding your spouse in this case your future spouse's soul with encouragement? Are you putting in the time?
If not, maybe you need more faith. From book, tape, or maybe counseling, put in deposit of faith in order to get stronger.
Monday, May 30, 2011
The Letter
This month I ran across the most amazing book which was filled with letters from famous African Americans. There was a section on love letters. It was the most beautiful letters I read in a while. I am history person so I love reading those kind of things. Anyway, if you want to ever want to read real love, MLK Jr to Correta Scott King. She was one lucky woman.
In other news, I say that it is a lost art form. A true love letter, not something that is just dripping in sex but something truly expresses how you feel for that person.
So you say, who in the hell has to time to do that? I'm busy. I say with your gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, or holidys. Take the time to write letter with the gifts you exchange.
Words have so much power. The way to empower your relationship is letter. Make it happen. Work it out.
In other news, I say that it is a lost art form. A true love letter, not something that is just dripping in sex but something truly expresses how you feel for that person.
So you say, who in the hell has to time to do that? I'm busy. I say with your gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, or holidys. Take the time to write letter with the gifts you exchange.
Words have so much power. The way to empower your relationship is letter. Make it happen. Work it out.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Commitment
Commitment
For the next couple days, I will talking about marriage.
Commitment
When I look at marriages that I know have lasted and those I have studied through history, they had this key ingredient. Commitment. They were willing to share their life with each other for better or for worse because for worse does happens.
Maybe they did not know each other forever, but they willing to make it work. Some people know each other all their lives and still does not work because they really did not pay attention to each other. So they still did not have a clue who they person really was.
Our great great grandparents decided, this is the person. I love them. We are going to make it happen. They did each day. Maybe it was not always romantic, always great, but they were willing to stay in each other's lives. They willing to make sure the other person was okay in this world. They had each other's back.
People have complicated theories on how marriage works, but back in the day, the people i have known have been married for years, did not have it. They kept it basic. They were commited because they had love.
For the next couple days, I will talking about marriage.
Commitment
When I look at marriages that I know have lasted and those I have studied through history, they had this key ingredient. Commitment. They were willing to share their life with each other for better or for worse because for worse does happens.
Maybe they did not know each other forever, but they willing to make it work. Some people know each other all their lives and still does not work because they really did not pay attention to each other. So they still did not have a clue who they person really was.
Our great great grandparents decided, this is the person. I love them. We are going to make it happen. They did each day. Maybe it was not always romantic, always great, but they were willing to stay in each other's lives. They willing to make sure the other person was okay in this world. They had each other's back.
People have complicated theories on how marriage works, but back in the day, the people i have known have been married for years, did not have it. They kept it basic. They were commited because they had love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)